School of Solitude

I worry about the next generation. I worry that they will lack creativity now that they can play games at their television set instead of their backyard. I worry that they will become numb to violence as television and movies portray violence as everyday occurrences and shows it to us up close. I worry about them because they are the children of active duty soldiers. I worry about them because very often they feel more outgoing typing on their cell phone than speaking in public. I worry that the education system in place for them has lowered their standards since they weren't living up to them anyway. But now I really worry about how they are being taught to interact with others.

First it was the dress code, then the freedom of speech, now it's a simple gesture that has come to be up for debate at public institutions of learning. The crime: a hug. Not groping, not undressing in public, not grinding against another classmate, but a hug. I have to wonder if school dances even exist anymore--a friend of mine once explained that slow dancing was simply "hugging and moving around in a circle." Well not in Illinois.

There is actually more than just one pre-teen girl out on suspension this week for committing the awful crime of giving her friend a hug. She didn't slip her friend the tongue, or grind her pelvis into her, or even partake of flamenco dancing--she gave her a hug. But there are rules against this, the public school states. In fact, I finally found one article that states the actual PDA line in one school's handbook: "physical conduct that is inappropriate for the school setting, including but not limited to kissing and groping." Okay, I can see that it would be a little distracting if while learning algorithms Johnny grabbed your boob. You would also have to lengthen the time between classes if any teenager decided to re-enact the MASH Hotlips kiss. But a hug? Come on! 


The school in Illinois wants no such behavior going on--this hugging business. Which is rather sad when you consider as I stated, that these are kids with parents, brothers, sisters, other family members at WAR. So a kid finds out her brother was just killed in Baghdad. Well as her friend, you best not even give her a hug--unless it's after last bell. On a more casual note, Tommy broke up with Betty, but didn't touch her while he was doing so, so he's not in trouble. But you best not try to console her by giving her a hug or you're in a big trouble, missy! 



What are we teaching children? In the meantime, although I don't know this for a fact, the same school has football games where guys plow into one another. They have hockey matches. They have soccer games. They even have cheerleading, where girls throw each other into the air. Do they not have theater? If you ever had to rate the people most likely to hug each other, I'd say it'd be a tie between the drama club members and the football team. I wonder if that too is outlawed. Can they shake hands? If they bump into one another in the hall will the person emit a blaring noise like a car alarm? Apparently education does not involve human contact of any kind. 



And that's really what frightens me. Walking into a toy store the other week, I was hard-pressed to find a single toy that more than one child could play with each other. Everything was one child, one TV screen. One child, one toy that talked back. No need for friends. Think about it--even video games come with how many controllers? ONE. If your friend wants to join you, he best go get his from his house and bring it over.

Are we teaching the next generation to not reach out to other people? Doesn't the media and the rest of society do enough of that already? We're teaching them that grabbing a gun and going to another country is okay, but embracing your friend who needs a shoulder to cry on is just plain inexcusable.

Being a kid is hard enough. We all need friends to lean on. We all need a hug every now again. The PDA rule is there to stop sexual harassment. But does it? No, because sexual harassment isn't getting a hug--it's getting groped by some sleazy person you don't want touching you, or receiving porn you wished you never saw. And what about gym class? Do they not do trust falls? (I've always found that a really horrible experience, but that's another blog entirely.) We teach, or should teach, children at a very young age the difference between "good touch" and "bad touch." But NO TOUCH--why on earth would you teach that? How could one know the difference between good and bad if you have nothing at all? Is that supposed to follow the same logic that schools have started these days with regard to homework--kids don't do their homework anyway, so let's not assign any?

I hope they do have homework. I hope some time in the next month some teacher in that school assigns the kids to write an essay on a public figure. And here's what I propose they do: EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM writes an essay on Mata Amritanandamayi, known as "Amma", the woman who is spreading hugs. She is the Mother Theresa of Human Contact. People flock to her by the thousands when she appears for an event. All she does is this: she stands there and when each person comes up to her, she gives him or her a hug. That's it. And it has changed lives.

So if any student out there goes to a school where hugging has been outlawed, seriously, write an essay about her. Isn't that what education is? Questioning the world around you? Questioning authority? That's my definition of education anyway. How else do we learn? 



They say a hug is not appropriate for school. School is about books. About learning. But don't we have a responsibility to teach these kids a little more than just book learning? I think education happens more often when a teacher isn't speaking. It happens in the halls. It happens at the lockers. It happens in the lunchroom. We learn how to interact with our peers, and with our enemies. We learn what is acceptable and what isn't. And if a hug isn't acceptable in society, then I truly fear for the next generation.